before we go on with these “newsletters,” i need to talk about writing and self-expression.

i first started this substack, separate from my “work” newsletter, to re-orient my relationship with being perceived in public (i have a history of being hypervisible while mad & then dragged on reddit, it was traumatizing). i used this space as a way of writing about my experiences & reflections in corea without the weight of feeling like i had to be a therapist or a writer. just ji. but with the recent breakup with mailchimp and transitioning over to substack for my monthly newsletters, i’m very confused again as to how to be here. it’s going to be messy for a lil bit while i figure it out. and as a neurodivergent external processor who feels the need to explain why i do everything i do, you, the reader, are witness to my process (if you choose).

my relationship with writing is weird (for whom is it not?). i had a difficult relationship with english as an immigrant ESL kid and my relationship with writing for myself started in my early twenties from a mad place. unedited, free flow gemini moon x cancer mercury vibes at the height of mad angst. while i have proved to be pretty decent at long-form academic writing (i’m pretty proud of some of them), i still prefer to word dump. and i get very confused about when dumping is appropriate, when editing is needed, and when i need a thesis statement with an essay outline before i start writing. while i would like to honour my free flow, unedited dumps, i’m also aware that some people perceive me as a a writer with ideas (aaaah, expectations?!) and some think this is a newsletter written by a therapist who offers services. and then sometimes, i’m annoyed by my own chaos and wish there was more structure, like - is there anything even worth saying here? i don’t know how to just be me when i take up (especially digital) space, in the witnessing by strangers.

i don’t really believe in authenticity as a singular, tangible thing to be pursued so self-expression tends to be a challenge, and i simultaneously hold that in the tension of being a double leo. while i can easily talk and take up space, it’s not without hesitation, questioning and discomfort. what new things can i even say? my friend ashley and i relate in not wanting to add more to the noise. i’ve felt this for a while and especially more so since the current genocide on gaza began. my entire being feels the tension around self-expression in the context of power. who feels the audacity & comfort to self-express and about what? i take up so much goddamn space as it is and i’m mindful of it but i do it anyway. i just wonder how i can write in ways that are actually helpful. but helpful to whom? and for what? and in what ways is the need for self-expression to be helpful tied with the bs that we’re trying to unlearn? and who even questions the need for self-expression to be helpful/useful in the first place??

i don’t know. i don’t know. let me sit and figure it out. but just know that writing is weird and newsletters are weird and being a “therapist” is weird and being in public is weird and having an audience is weird. it’s weird and i’m willing to be in the weirdness because i deeply value words and writing. and i do know i have helpful things to say. i just need to figure out how i want to do it, what i want to practice. if you have thoughts on this, i welcome them!!

relevant shares & readings🌻

• Demand Novavax access in BC [PETITION] - Canada is shit and didn’t purchase any Novavax for this fall season. Send in your letters!! It’s wild that my longhauler friends are having to drive across the border to pay out of pocket for Novavax.

• Fall 2024 (mRNA) boosters are now out! Unsure about other provinces but in BC, you can either wait for a text notification, or if you’re a younger person who likely did not get a notification in the spring, you can call 1-833-838-2323 to book an appointment. Be prepared to advocate for yourself if needed.

• All Are Not Well, All Are Not Safe by Beatrice Adler-Bolton [ARTICLE] - I’m currently sitting in on professor Jasbir Puar’s class on decolonizing disability at UBC and was introduced to the book, Health Communism. I had listened to the Death Panel Podcast but wasn’t aware of the book! And wow, such a must read, especially for those in engagement/proximity to disability, workers rights, the medical industrial complex and/or wellness spaces.

• Crips for eSims for Gaza [DONATE] - Please continue to donate to keep Gaza connected!! Demand continues to be high, especially with the recent siege in Northern Gaza.

• Up-Set Workshop by Gabes Torres on October 29th, 6PM PT [WORKSHOP] - On the interplay between mental health wellness and social-change movement, including an introduction to the basics of grassroots organizing.

• Permanent Residency & Rights, Not Cuts [PETITION] - after cutting at least 775,000 study and work permits, the immigration minister in so-called Canada could further cut permanent residency spots on November 1st. Send your emails and sign up for newsletter updates from Migrant Rights Network!

in solidarity & with care,

Ji-Youn, they/she

Read: meaning of my name